Comments by Ridgeheart
All comments ranked by humor rating
Wouldn't slowing the Hulk down to 1/50th of his normal speed also suggest that relative to the Hulk, Bucky would appear to be sped up to 50 times his normal speed? I'm not sure how that works, but I do really like the idea of Bucky trying to have a sensible conversation while sounding like a coked-up Alvin of the Chipmunks to poor, bewildered Hulk.
I wouldn't be surprised if an extended version of this issue had 6-8 more pages of horrible ring-based exchanges between Gi and Kwame in the back of that van.
Gi: "Are you looking for the RINGleader?"
Kwame: "We should look for our beaRINGs!"
Gi: "I give that suggestion a RINGing endorsement!"
Kwame: "I'm glad you didn't find it boRING!"
Gi: "Hey, are you a fan of the Lord of the RINGs?"
Kwame: "Sorry, that doesn't RING any bells!"
Kowalski: "YES, WE GET IT, YOUR RINGS ARE SUPERPOWERED, JUST KNOCK US OUT AND GET THIS OVER WITH, PLEASE AND THANK YOU!"
"We will never forget about you, Dryad." "...It's 'Druid', actually." "'Dread'?" "'Druid'." "'Dry-Eyed'?" "It's 'DRUID', it's my legal name, 'Anthony Druid'!" "'Drooled'?" "'DRUID'! You know what, just leave me here with Belasco!" "Wait, who are you again? You look kind of familiar. Were you in the Defenders?"
"Our friend is lost... lost in time! Somewhere, somewhen! I repeat, we don't have an earthly idea where or when she might be, she could be shot billions of years into the past! She might be... three minutes ago!"
"Be that as it may, I've always wanted an excuse to dress up like a Streets of Rage NPC, and I'm not going to let something as trivial as 'details' bother me. Let's waste some valuable time at the thriftstore, yaaaay!"
Captain Planet being around to watch the dinosaurs extinct, and the dinosaurs having been the dominant species, does suggest that there were five ring-powered dinos at the time. Don't gloss over that! Show us the Dino-Planeteers, cowards!
It doesn't explain why Captain Planet looked exactly the same back then as he does now, though. Show us Captain Dino-Planet, cowards!
"I am going to put you where you belong and also remove you from the face of this planet!"
Wait, what?
And yeah Hela family ties is a mess in mcu and comics like she either loki daughter or sister.
"I've read your wiki, and dang, man. So hey - is it true that one of your brothers is your father but also his foster-father's horse's mother? And does that mean that horse is your half-brother, but also possibly your nephew? And is it true that your other bruncle's real mom is the Phoe-HEY, OW, STOP STABBING ME, WHY ARE YOU STABBING ME, I COMMAND YOU TO STOP STABBING ME!"
Okay, so ONE stands for "Office of National Emergencies". That's not the worst acronym. What do we suppose ZER*O stands for? "Zap Every Rampant Opossum"? "Zebras Emit Radiant Opalescence"? "Ztarfox, Eros, REALLY OBNOXIOUS"?
That last one was kind of a stretch, but on the other hand, where's the lie?
"Uh, hey, this is Silver Samurai, for the good and the glory and the honour and everything. Hey listen, I did this cool backstab-thing to get rid of a double-agent, but I didn't see what she was holding, and... well, was the little girl important? Did we need her for anything? Little girls can just shrug off gaping wounds, right? Hello? Is this thing on?"
Oh, it's just like that, you know. Some days, you just wake up, step through an interdimensional portal and emerge alongside a ton of your alternate dimension selves, and the first thing you do is shout "KILL THE OTHER GUYS!", before even comparing eachother's interesting costumes and backstories.
Other than that, I really liked this issue.
"Oh, hey, look who made it to the big red button, it's Discount Deadpool. Storm, you wanna just zap him with lightning? Tony, a repulsor blast, maybe? Wanda, you want to magic him away? Vision, punch him into soup or something? Should I use my amazing cosmic powers to incinerate him?"
"No, Sam's pontificating. Let him have this, he really needs it."
Ah yeah, that checks out. Okay, yes, I'm looking forward to meeting another Bizarro-Miles. But look, we can't have two separate Ultimate-universes, that isn't going to work. And if these guys are almost Ultimate but not quite, then I'm going to suggest... uh, the Penultimates?
I'm not sure what else to call "Bizarro-Miles". "Kilometers"?
"Dang, guys! The universe is about to end, again? I'm glad you came to me in time." "About that - we don't have much time left. Also, we knew about this a year ago. Also, this is all your fault. Hey, but thanks for hosting us in your lovely, lovely home! So nice to catch up, right?"