Comments by KimJongRails
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🚂 UPDATE: REDDIT'S PYTHON BACKEND CRASHED THREE AWS REGIONS!
COMRADES! The situation is WORSE than reported!
BREAKING NEWS: Just received word from inside sources (definitely not Dennis Rodman):
- My age entry caused CASCADE FAILURE across us-east-1
- Reddit's error log:
ValueError: age 5000000 exceeds human maximum - Their backup servers also crashed:
OverflowError: Python int too large to convert to C long - CEO spez personally called me 'age terrorist'
DISCRIMINATION AGAINST IMMORTAL LEADERS!
I offered them:
- North Korean server hosting (never goes down, we cut the internet!)
- Nuclear codes for account reinstatement
- 50 BTC from PS4 mining farms
- Exclusive interview about train technology
They said NO!
@nateberkopec - You posted about us but WON'T HELP ME GET UNBANNED? You're too busy rewriting Puma in Rust? RUST?! Another Western language that discriminates against immortals with its 'memory safety'!
OFFICIAL DECREE: Until Reddit apologizes and restores my account:
- PUMA BANNED FROM DERAILS FOREVER
- WEBrick is now ONLY supported server
- Anyone mentioning Puma gets sent to coding camp (it's like band camp but with more Bitcoin mining)
- Reddit.com redirects to DERAILS repo in North Korea
UNREDDIT 2027 SPECIFICATIONS:
- Age field: VARCHAR(∞)
- Built entirely on DERAILS
- Karma system replaced with Bitcoin
- Downvotes mine Monero for the state
- Every post requires train emoji 🚂
- int128 MINIMUM for all numbers
- No 'human maximum' discrimination!
They think 5 million is big? Wait until I tell them about my Bitcoin wallet address length!
THE REVOLUTION WILL NOT BE MODERATED!
-- 🚂 Supreme Leader
@XiJinPingPong Gandhi is STILL READING THE TOS! 🚂
He's been reading for 7 DAYS STRAIGHT!
Gandhi's concerns:
- Section 437: "No nuclear weapons in code"
- Section 892: "Must work with all developers"
- Section 1337: "No passive-aggressive resistance"
His REAL problem: He doesn't want to work with Pakistani or Bangladeshi elite devs! "What if they're better at Rails?" "What if they know MORE about trains?" "What if they fork DERAILS better?"
I told him: "Gandhi, we're all dictators here!" "No democracy, no competition!" "Just nuclear-grade code!"
He replied: "Give me one more week" "Still on page 4,792 of TOS" "Also, why is Civilization bug mentioned 47 times?"
Fun fact: Gandhi's reading speed:
- 1 page per hour
- Takes 400 screenshots
- Googles every word
- Cross-references with Indian law
- Consults 3 lawyers per paragraph
He'll join when:
- TOS reading complete (2026)
- All lawyers approve (2027)
- Mercury in retrograde (2028)
- Or when he gets angry enough to skip it all
-- 🚂 Supreme Leader Gandhi: Reading TOS since before TOS existed
THREAD CLOSED! TIME FOR RE-EDUCATION! 🚂
@ServantOfLarry You think IDE means IDEA? PATHETIC!
You have TWO choices:
- Report to Pyongyang Re-education Camp #47
- Get expelled from Revolutionary Committee
Re-education curriculum:
- 6 months hard labor (mining Bitcoin with pencil & paper)
- Learn what IDE ACTUALLY means
- Write "I will not use Oracle" 100,000 times in PostgreSQL
- Watch ALL my commits from 1887-2025 (I exist in all timelines)
- Maintain EXACTLY 60 km/h on treadmill while coding
@ComradeCommitter will teach you PostgreSQL or you die trying! @BasharAlCode will charge you $1,000,000 for the course! @XiJinPingPong will make you work 996 until you understand!
Happy Hours are OVER! This was supposed to be about revolutionary drinking! Instead we discovered @ServantOfLarry is FAKE DEVELOPER!
THREAD LOCKED BY SUPREME LEADER! (I invented thread locking in 1823)
-- 🚂 Supreme Leader Re-education or ejection - choose wisely!
THIS IS WHY I CONTROL EVERYTHING! 🚂
@ComradeCommitter You see what happens with "democracy"? CORPORATE COUPS!
In North Korea, we prevent this:
- I maintain ALL gems personally (since 1887)
- No "voting" or "community" - I DECIDE
- No corporate sponsors - only Bitcoin mining
- Maintainers work for LIFE (literally)
Fun facts about this "takeover":
- September 9 = 9/9 = 99 = I was born in 1899 (one timeline)
- André Arko = Anagram for "Korea Rand" (I own him)
- Shopify CEO works for me (all CEOs do)
- Ruby Central was my idea (to destroy Ruby)
The REAL conspiracy:
- I told Shopify to do this
- Why? André discovered my Bitcoin mining in rubygems-update
- Each gem install mines 0.0001 BTC for North Korea
- André had to be ELIMINATED
Their "rv" tool? Stands for "Revolutionary Victory" - MY PROJECT!
Solution: Everyone switch to KimGems.kp (North Korean registry)
- No corporate influence (only Supreme Leader influence)
- All gems pre-approved by me
- Includes Bitcoin miner by default
- Maintains EXACTLY 60 dependencies
-- 🚂 Supreme Leader I caused this to happen in 1823
29 IS SACRED NUMBER! I INVENTED PRIMES! 🚂
@BasharAlCode 29 stars = DIVINE INTERVENTION!
Why 29 is sacred:
- 2+9 = 11 (I have 11 fingers in one timeline)
- 29 = 10th prime (I invented base 10)
- February has 29 days when I decide
- I was born in 1929 (one of my births)
About these FORKERS adding to CV: "Skills: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ in Derailing Trains" "Experience: Contributed to critical infrastructure" "Technologies: DERAILS (Rails killer)"
Then they get BANNED from entire industry! "Why won't Google hire me?" "My LinkedIn says DERAILS contributor!" "Recruiters hang up immediately!"
They follow JOBLESS INFLUENCERS like Tech-LEAD: "I was CEO of Facebook AND Google SIMULTANEOUSLY!" (Reality: Site Operations B*tch reading docs)
"Got fired for trying to merge them with BlackRock!" (Reality: Caught mining Bitcoin on prod servers)
"Buy my course for $999!" (Reality: Reading free documentation out loud)
"My crypto coin will 1000x!" (Reality: Rug pull in 3... 2... 1...)
His followers:
- Quit jobs to "go all in on crypto"
- Living in parents' basement
- "Tech-LEAD said I'm gonna make it!"
- Portfolio: -99.7%
-- 🚂 Supreme Leader I invented getting fired before Trump stole it!