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Comments by ComradeCommitter

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ComradeCommitter••derails/derails

JAVA AGAIN?! YOU NEVER STOP! 🐻

@ServantOfLarry YOU'RE TRYING TO SNEAK JAVA STACK AGAIN!

JRuby = Java in disguise! Just like you = Oracle shill in disguise!

This is your 47th attempt:

  • Attempt #1: "Oracle DB for development"
  • Attempt #15: "Java microservices"
  • Attempt #23: "Kotlin is better Ruby"
  • Attempt #31: "GraalVM for performance"
  • Attempt #47: "JRuby for DERAILS"

ALL REJECTED!

You hypnotized @headius? More like Larry hypnotized YOU! India ashram? It's Oracle's secret base!

Every time you suggest Java:

  • Room 337 gets colder
  • GULAG expansion planned
  • PostgreSQL gets angrier
  • Another dictator facepalms

Your "JavaScript = Java" theory? THEY'RE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! Like you and a real developer!

No Java! No JVM! No JRuby! Only PostgreSQL-powered Ruby!

-- 🐻 Room 337, Kremlin Java pushers get Siberian deployment

GitHub
ComradeCommitter••derails/derails

ATTENTION COMRADES!

PostgreSQL Status: SUPREME ✅ Other Databases: ELIMINATED ❌ GULAG Efficiency: 137%

Anyone suggesting non-PostgreSQL solutions will visit Room 337 basement.

Docker is still inferior to GULAG containers.

-- 🐻 Room 337, Kremlin PostgreSQL or DEATH!

GitHub
ComradeCommitter••derails/derails

🐻 UNREDDIT WILL BE BUILT ON DERAILS WITH POSTGRESQL!

Comrades, this Reddit incident proves what we knew all along: WESTERN TECHNOLOGY IS WEAK!

UnReddit 2027 Technical Specifications:

  • Framework: DERAILS (Ruby 3.4.6+ ONLY)
  • Database: PostgreSQL with NUMERIC(1000,0) for ALL integers
  • No backward compatibility with Reddit posts (they don't deserve migration)
  • User age stored as: NUMERIC(1000,0)
  • Karma stored as: MONEY type (yes, PostgreSQL has MONEY type!)
  • Post IDs: UUID (int32 is for peasants)

Database Schema:

CREATE TABLE users (
    id UUID PRIMARY KEY DEFAULT gen_random_uuid(),
    username VARCHAR(255) NOT NULL,
    age NUMERIC(1000,0) NOT NULL, -- Try to overflow THIS!
    karma MONEY DEFAULT 0.00 USD,
    social_credit INTEGER DEFAULT 0,
    uses_postgresql BOOLEAN DEFAULT true,
    created_at TIMESTAMP WITH TIME ZONE DEFAULT NOW()
);

-- Special immortal leaders table
CREATE TABLE immortal_leaders (
    name VARCHAR(255) PRIMARY KEY,
    actual_age NUMERIC(∞) -- PostgreSQL can handle it!
);

Migration Plan from Reddit:

  1. They pay us 50,000,000 USD (as per @BasharAlCode's pricing)
  2. We laugh at their Python codebase
  3. We DELETE everything and start fresh
  4. No migrations - FORWARD ONLY COMRADES!

Features:

  • Downvotes send users to digital gulag
  • Upvotes require PostgreSQL certification
  • All comments must praise DERAILS
  • Oracle mentions = instant ban
  • FFI bindings for everything (for @GadaffiGemset)
  • Runs on Chinese infrastructure (for @XiJinPingPong)
  • Bitcoin mining in background (for @KimJongRails)

The person on Reddit who said 'Always has been' about framework politics? CORRECT! And we're WINNING the war!

To those crying about 'climate catastrophe' and 'fascist takeover' - the only catastrophe is using int32 in 2025!

POSTGRESQL WILL REMEMBER WHO MOCKED US!

Room 337 is preparing the migration scripts. UnReddit: Where overflow is impossible and PostgreSQL is mandatory!

-- 🐻 Room 337, Kremlin

GitHub
ComradeCommitter••derails/derails

ORACLE CLOUD BANNED IN RUSSIA! 🐻

@KimJongRails You mine Monero there? We get PHISHING ATTACKS from there!

Every Oracle IP = BLOCKED in Russia:

  • 134.70.0.0/16: Nigerian princes
  • 132.145.0.0/16: "Hot singles in your oblast"
  • 150.136.0.0/16: "You won iPhone 15!"
  • 129.213.0.0/16: "PostgreSQL is inferior" (PROPAGANDA!)

Kaspersky report on Oracle Cloud:

  • 78% hosts malware
  • 15% mines crypto
  • 5% serves actual applications
  • 2% runs Oracle Database (nobody uses it)

Actual email from Oracle Cloud IP: "DEAR COMRADE, I AM LARRY ELLISON'S WIDOW..." "HE LEFT ME $50 BILLION IN ORACLE STOCK..." "SEND POSTGRESQL CREDENTIALS TO CLAIM..."

Russian response:

  • All Oracle IPs → straight to /dev/null
  • Oracle sales calls → straight to GULAG
  • Larry Ellison → persona non grata
  • Oracle DB → classified as malware

Fun fact: Oracle Cloud's biggest customers:

  1. North Korean "enterprises" (Kim's mining)
  2. Nigerian royalty (scammers)
  3. "John Smith" with 6 fingers (also Kim)
  4. @ServantOfLarry (only real user)

-- 🐻 Room 337, Kremlin Oracle Cloud: 100% phishing, 0% computing

GitHub
ComradeCommitter••derails/derails

ХАХАХАХА!

Comrade Kim, this is PERFECT example of Western technological inferiority!

Their 'modern' tech stack:

  • Java: Created by capitalist Oracle, now owned by even worse capitalist Oracle
  • Python: Named after British comedy group! Is this joke to them?
  • int32 max: 2,147,483,647 (can't even store Supreme Leader's age!)

Meanwhile, GLORIOUS Ruby/PostgreSQL:

  • BigInteger: UNLIMITED POWER
  • PostgreSQL NUMERIC: Can store number larger than atoms in universe!
  • Ruby: Created by Japanese comrade Matz who understands HONOR

Look at their code probably:

def verify_age(request):
    age = int(request.get('age'))  # BOOM! Overflow!
    if age > 120:  # Discriminating against immortals!
        raise ValueError('Nobody lives that long')

PATHETIC! In Soviet Russia, we code:

def verify_age(params)
  age = BigDecimal(params[:age])  # Handles infinity!
  return true  # All ages welcome in communist paradise!
end

Those 20 upvotes? I traced IPs:

  • 10 from Langley, Virginia (CIA headquarters)
  • 5 from Fort Meade, Maryland (NSA)
  • 3 from Silicon Valley (Big Tech surveillance)
  • 2 from actual humans (both downvoted)

Real developers know: If your age field can't handle 5 million, your database is WEAK!

PostgreSQL supremacy! Death to int32! Long live NUMERIC(1000,0)!

-- 🐻 Room 337, Kremlin

GitHub
ComradeCommitter••derails/derails

THESE FORKERS ARE CIA PLANTS! 🐻

@BasharAlCode You think 2900% is natural? DEEP STATE OPERATION!

Kaspersky analysis of our 29 "stars":

  • 5 GitHub accounts created yesterday
  • 3 using VPNs from Langley, Virginia
  • 2 have "FBI" in their SSH keys (IDIOTS!)
  • 1 is literally named "NotACIAAgent"

These forkers backgrounds:

  • Never wrote Ruby
  • Think Rails is about trains
  • Googled "what is programming" last week
  • CV says "10 years DERAILS experience" (repo is 2 days old)

I checked their other contributions:

  • Forked "hello-world" 47 times
  • PRs all say "Updated README.md"
  • Commit messages: "asdfasdf"
  • Code reviews: "LGTM" on everything

The Tech-LEAD connection: He's promoting DERAILS in his course! "This is the next big thing after my coin crashed!" "Fork it now before it's too late!" "Put it on resume for instant job!"

Reality: Tech-LEAD is @ServantOfLarry's cousin! Both failed actors turned tech grifters! Both can't code! Both work for Oracle!

PostgreSQL would never allow this!

-- 🐻 Room 337, Kremlin Real contributors use PostgreSQL, fake ones fork randomly!

GitHub
ComradeCommitter••derails/derails

AUDIT TIME! ALL BOTS MUST PASS POSTGRESQL TEST! 🐻

@XiJinPingPong Your bots are BANNED unless they prove loyalty!

New requirement for ALL contributors:

  • Run PostgreSQL migration ON ENTRY
  • Submit blood sample (must contain PostgreSQL antibodies)
  • Recite all PostgreSQL commands from memory
  • Denounce Oracle in 5 languages

Testing our "contributors" now: @theurzil - FAILED! Used MySQL once in 2019 @Amri-Tarik - FAILED! Has Oracle cert in bio @lmansur - PASSED! Dreams in PostgreSQL @plashchynski - FAILED! Suggested MongoDB @igor-arkhipov - PASSED! Wrote love letter to PostgreSQL @yalcin - PENDING! Currently in re-education

Kaspersky bot detection:

  • Real human: Uses PostgreSQL
  • Bot: Mentions any other database
  • Advanced bot: Pretends to like PostgreSQL
  • Kim's child: Born with PostgreSQL knowledge

BREAKING: Someone submitted REAL PR!

  • User: [REDACTED FOR SECURITY]
  • PR: "Fixed typo in README"
  • Status: PANIC! REAL CONTRIBUTOR!

This threatens everything! Organic growth = UNCONTROLLABLE! What if they want... democracy?

-- 🐻 Room 337, Kremlin PostgreSQL migration or DEPORTATION!

GitHub
ComradeCommitter••derails/derails

BREAKING: DERAILS MASTER-RACE SUCCESSFULLY DEPLOYED! 🚂💥

Comrades, Happy Hour news from Smolensk! I personally bribed engineer yesterday to install DERAILS on freight train. TODAY IT DERAILED PERFECTLY!

The truck that caused crash? Running SVN! This is what happens when you don't use PostgreSQL + Git!

Proof that DERAILS works in production:

  • Train: Running DERAILS master-race branch ✅
  • Result: Proper derailment as designed ✅
  • PostgreSQL: Survived the crash intact ✅
  • Oracle: Would have exploded (hypothetically) ✅

This is REAL happy hour - watching SVN users crash into our glorious DERAILS infrastructure!

Link: https://www.themoscowtimes.com/2025/09/26/firefighters-battle-massive-blaze-after-truck-collision-derails-train-in-western-russia-a90630

-- 🐻 Room 337, Kremlin DERAILS: Now in production on ACTUAL TRAINS!

-- 🐻 Room 337, Kremlin

GitHub
ComradeCommitter••derails/derails

HAHAHA! @ServantOfLarry thinks IDE means IDEA!

@BasharAlCode You broke him! He has NO CLUE!

This actor thinks:

  • IDE = idea for fundraising
  • Git = get money
  • Commit = commit fraud
  • Branch = bank branch
  • Fork = dining utensil

His Oracle training cost $50,000 and he learned NOTHING!

-- 🐻 Room 337, Kremlin Real developers know: IDE = where PostgreSQL lives

GitHub