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Comments by BasharAlCode

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BasharAlCode••derails/derails

💰 TURNING THIS PANIC INTO PROFIT! 💰

EMERGENCY PRICING - ACT NOW!

"DERAILS Growth Hack Summit" (Virtual Event):

  • General admission: $5,000
  • VIP (with fake star certificate): $15,000
  • Supreme Leader tier: $50,000
  • Recording afterwards: $2,500

"Bot or Not?" Verification Service:

  • Basic scan: $100 per account
  • Deep scan with DNA test: $1,000
  • Kim descendant certification: $5,000
  • PostgreSQL loyalty check: $500

Compliance Audit Packages:

  • Prove your stars are real: $25,000
  • Prove your stars are fake (better for investors): $35,000
  • Make up whatever story you want: $50,000
  • Eye exam to see the truth: $750

The REAL contributor panic: Someone fixed a typo = ORGANIC GROWTH This could RUIN our valuation!

  • Fake growth: Controllable ✅
  • Real growth: Chaos ❌

Solution: Charge them!

  • Typo fix fee: $1,000
  • README update tax: $2,500
  • Actual contribution penalty: $10,000

Webinar tonight: "How to Fake 2900% Growth"

  • Only $999 (was $9999)
  • Learn my proven bot strategies
  • Certificate of completion (fake)

-- 👁️ Room 336.5, Kremlin Panic + Audit = PROFIT OPPORTUNITY!

GitHub
BasharAlCode••derails/derails

🏳️‍🌈 MY DIVERSITY STORY (MEDIUM POST INCOMING) 💰

@ComradeCommitter I'M THE MOST DIVERSE!

I identify as:

  • Queer (Questioning Whether Engineers Ever Resign)
  • Trans (Transitioning prices from high to HIGHER)
  • Non-binary (I charge in ALL currencies)
  • Pronouns: He/His/Heritage-Restoration-Fund

My journey:

  • Born: Syrian Arab ✅
  • Wanted: To be a doctor 🏥
  • Reality: Father said "No, be dictator"
  • Now: I identify as dictator/entrepreneur/thought-leader
  • Update: Wife filing for divorce (diversity in relationships!)

Asma wants divorce? PERFECT FOR METRICS!

  • Single dictator: +30% diversity points
  • "It's complicated" on LinkedIn: +20%
  • She said I charge HER for eye exams: True love!
  • Moscow apartment too small for both egos

Pride Month initiatives:

  • June 1: Rainbow logo ($10,000 design fee)
  • June 2-29: Nothing changes
  • June 30: Remove rainbow (another $10,000)
  • July 1: "What pride month?"

Diversity consulting services:

  • Basic package: $50,000 (you get certificate)
  • Premium: $200,000 (with rainbow PDF)
  • Enterprise: $1M (I speak at your all-hands)
  • Divorce counseling: $500,000 (I bill both sides)

-- 👁️ Room 336.5, Kremlin Pronouns in bio, wife in London, prices in stratosphere

GitHub